Thursday, September 25, 2014

Hell on Heels

Where does a Demon go when she gets deported from Hell?

Kentucky. Eden, Kentucky to be more specific—where nothing is exactly as it seems. 

My name is Dixie. I’m a Demon—a lousy Demon. I’m a twenty-one year old virgin and I have a battery operated boyfriend. My magic is iffy at best and downright dangerous at worst. Leaving Hell to represent my race is not high on my list of things to do.

Hell was exact. Hell was simple. All I want to do is get to home base with the hotter than Hades Demon of my dreams and work on my dark side so Satan, my dad, will get off my ass.

Instead I end up in Kentucky looking for the Balance of Chaos, avoiding pole dancing classes with Mother Nature and finding out my invisible friend is a silver skinned destructive weather pattern.

And if that isn’t craptastic enough, the damn Sword of Death is missing again and who ever has it wants the King of the Underworld dead. Seriously.

With new powers emerging daily, keeping my Demon side, horniness and general disgust under wraps doesn’t make it any easier to fit in with the humans. Thankfully my priorities are in line; get laid…save world…try not to blow up kitchen appliances…and get laid again. I was ready to rumble.
All I want to do is go back to Hell, but with the balance of good and evil in my hands, I’m stuck in the garden of Eden. Oh well, what the Hell. Someone has to save the world before there’s no world left to save. Might as well be me.

Let me start with a list, since you know I love lists! 
  1. OMG! I love Robyn's twisted mind. 
  2. I don't do spoilers, so I am going to be honest - this review MIGHT now make sense. Haha
  3. Hell has never been this HOT! 
  4. Robyn is writing a hilarious computer manual with her super HOT hubby, Steve Zahn (you might know him from Daddy Daycare - that is what he is famous for in my house. The kids watch that movie on repeat!) But she needs to make a calendar with her new curse words she creates! 

This is Dixie's book. You met Dixie in the previous Hot Damned books. What you will remember is she is the goody two-shows favorite VIRGIN daughter of the outrageously hot, Satan. (If you haven't read the first two, I must ask: Have you been living under a rock?) Dixie knows her time on Earth is coming, but she is not ready. Especially after she seems to have caught the attention of the Demon of her Dreams. (This D.O.D. she is hoping will replace her B.O.B - battery operated boyfriend!) 
I pried open one eye, and much to my great horror and delight stood the object of my desire in the flesh. The most beautiful man I'd ever seen - Hayden Black. 
In this installment, you get to catch up on your favorites. We welcome back Gigi (Dixie's Grandmother, Mother Nature!), who is enough to have Satan himself hiding behind a rock. 
"Your grandmother is the definition of unstable insanity, and if I knew why she summoned us we wouldn't be hiding behind a rock," he answered logically. 
"Dad, you're my rock and this is making me very nervous."
It wouldn't be Hell without Satan's 7 other daughters, better know as the Seven Deadly Sins. They love their sister, Dixie even with all her loving and good-natured flaws. When it comes to her falling in love with D.O.D, Hayden - they are chalk full of reasons NOT to. 
Do not under any circumstances find a soul mate. It completely ruins the fun of orgies. 
We are welcomed back by a STILL pregnant, Astrid and her hunky man, Ethan. Astrid is dying to have her 6-10 headed baby, and be able to see her feet again. Ethan wants his wife back. I bet all fathers can relate to what he is feeling, except he has no answers. Astrid loves her cousin, Dixie. Even more now that the F-bomb has entered into her vocabulary. 

I cannot really tell you much more about the story without giving too much away. Dixie is given the task of controlling the balance between good and evil on Earth. There are rogue demons that are out to rid the world of Satan and his brother, God. While in Eden, she needs to find the missing sword, attend community college with her misfit family of demons, and watch out for Angels who want to kill her and Eden's version of the Mean Girls aka the Vultures. When arriving in Eden, she quickly finds out her dear old Dad has cut off all communication with Hell for a month. WHAT? No, Hayden Black? Let's talk about Hayden Black. He makes me want to be 21 again. (Sidenote, Dixie's BFF, Stella is a damn riot!) 
"Well, it just so happens I'm going to the library too" He winked conspiratorially at Stella. " Can I walk with you?"
He turned his green gaze on me and waited for my answer. The speech part of my brain ceased to function. All I could do was stare at him like an idiot. 
"Yes," Stella chimed in and gave me a push. "She'd love to walk with you and maybe even sit at the same table, regain her power of speech and exchange a few words."
Her lack of speech ability is how I feel around Hayden. Silly, right? He is on paper. I can just turn the page on him! But, nope. I re-read what he says. *swoon*
"Dixie," he said softly. "Look at me."
"I can't." I continue my love affair with my fingernails. " I get stupid when I look at you."
"I find that extremely flattering and very sexy," he said. 
There were so many damn swoon-worthy moments in this book. How Dixie maintained her composure around this man, I will never understand. Oh wait, she didn't. 
"Dixie," he moaned. "We have to stop."
"Why?" I touched my forehead to his. 
"Because I want you to fall for my intellect and charm before I let you ravish my body."
I giggled and brushed my fingertips along his cheekbones and jaw. "What if I only want you for your hot bod?"
He chuckled, "I won't be used that way. Well... maybe once or twice." He grinned. "I'm looking for something lasting. I plan to make you fall head over heels, no turning back in love with me."
Back to my listy lists! This is what else you will find in this laugh out loud, pee your pants hilarious and sex in the science lab closet sexy book: 

  1. Wings.
  2. A traitorous brother who kisses his brother's lady friend. 
  3. A "Heaven & Hell" themed collage dance. 
  4. Baby demons who love the bum bums! 
  5. And the MOST creative curse words EVER. 

To end my review, I need you to know I am a faithful fan of the beautiful and wickedly funny Robyn Peterman - and this is her BEST book so far. I didn't think she could top her Handcuffs & Happily Ever Afters series. But, I friggin' LOVED this! 

Now, let's give this lady some Hell-worthy LOVE! 

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